Why I hate Congressman Trey Gowdy - UPDATED!


Congressman Trey Gowdy, who represents South Carolina’s 4th district, has been selected to head up the House select committee on Benghazi, and I don’t like him.  Not because he claims to be “Pro Life-Plus” even though he supports the death penalty and, as a prosecutor, made it happen more than a few times. Maybe the plus should be an asterisk.  And I don’t hate him because he’s leading up what feels like the 10,000th committee investigating Benghazi (though that does seem like a waste of my tax money).

No, I hate him because he looks like this:

That’s not a congressman.  That’s a congressman’s kid sidekick.  This guy looks like Trey Gowdy’s son who stole one of dad’s suits.  Worse, he looks like the smartest of the Gowdy triplets, all of whom are stacked on each other’s shoulders and wearing one of dad’s suits as a disguise because they tricked dad into taking mom on an anniversary date and are covering for him at the hearing.

This guy looks like he just outfoxed a pair of bumbling criminals out to rob his parent’s house on Christmas. He looks like the captain of the team that loses to the Mighty Ducks in the last 20 minutes of the movie.  He looks like the “Not” section of “Hot or Not” in Teeny Bopper magazine.  He looks like the guy who’d play Gordon Gekko in “Wall Street: The High School Years”  He looks like he was part of NSync’s rival band, LatchKeyKid$.

This guy must get carded at the bar at state dinners.  And when he hands the bartender his license, the bartender says, “Nice try, ‘Trey.’”  Seriously, who’s named Trey who isn’t either a skater from 1995 or over the age of 12?  Maybe that’s why the days of rival congressmen getting a drink at the end of the day are over, because all of them are secretly sixteen and under.

I hate this guy. Cuz he looks like a teen weirdo.  Also because he’s wasting tax payer money on an investigation that’s playing politics in an election year.  Also that.  Though he said wouldn’t use Benghazi to raise campaign cash, which, if he holds true to that, would be very admirable.

We’ll see.

UPDATE (5:51): We saw. Turns out the NRCC is fundraising off of Benghazi.  Better luck next time, Gowdy.